'Twas the Flight Before Christmas

'Twas the flight before Christmas throughout the concourse. 
The last trav'lers all nervous and all out of sorts;
Their delayed flight still shown at the gate to O'Hare,
With hopes that the late flight would soon arrive there;

Happy kids in pajamas were jumping on seats;
For rushes of sugar kept moving their feet;
With their mom on her phone, dad looked up from his Mac,
Had just heard his girl cry and yelled, "cut it out, Jack!"

And then out on the ramp there arose such a clatt'r,
The kids rushed the gate door to see what was the matter
On his way to the rescue dad flew like a flash,
Ever ready to scorn and give them a lash.

Yellow lights on the tarmac showed new-fallen snow,
Gave a luster of midday to objects below,
And then what to dad's wondering eyes did appear,
But a tiny toy plane, ones passengers fear,

With both old and young pilots so filled full of grit,
Were determined to fly it despite the tight fit.
As the passengers rushed to pack up and deplane,
They reached up for switches, and called them by name:

"Off, seat belts! off, beacons! set brakes and on heat!
Off, engines! on, fuel pumps! The Checklist's complete!
To the top of the gate!  I am bouncing off walls!
After such a long flight, it is nature that calls!"

With the travelers' exit complete to the last,
Through the door, the grayed Captain, completed the cast.
He was dressed in a suit, from his neck to his shoe
It was clear that his clothes were to show that he flew;

With a handful of stripes on his sleeves on display,
Briefly stopped for the kids as they stared in dismay.
His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

Yet it clearly was cold, was it starting to snow?
And the beard on his chin, more than 5 o'clock's shadow;
When he smiled and waved at the kids standing there,
They ran quietly, finally, to wait in their chair;

His shoulders were broad and he laughed deep and hard,
With ten hours on duty, his mood won't be marred.
A bad joke he tried telling, his courage exude
Was bold, how he tried hard to lighten the mood;

A quick wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave them to know they had nothing to dread;
He tried joking no longer, right back to his work,
Cleared the agent to board and then turned with a jerk. 

The last airplane was full, to the runway they went,
And at last, it would seem, 'twas good money they spent;
Felt it launch off the ground, gave their lives up to fate
And away they all flew to their families who wait.

From this pilot to you, while I fly through the night—
“Merry Christmas to all, hope you have a nice flight!”

You have questions, I have answers, Part: The End

Well friends, I have come to the end of my questions answered posts.  Thanks everyone for your participation as it gave me many great ideas!  Everyone, please sit back, relax, and enjoy the short ride to blabber town.

Is there ever any Snakes of the Plane? -Luke Durbin

I think Samuel Jackson said it best...  In my limited time, I have yet to see anyone transporting a pet snake across the country.  I think the best part of my job, at times, is when I get to go out and see the cute puppies and kittens (and a small pig last week) sitting on the ramp waiting to be picked up by the Pet Mobile.  If you want to transport your pets on your honeymoon to Hawaii, make sure to check the airline webpage to see what types of animals can be carried in the baggage compartment.  I honestly don't know if snakes are one of those approved pets.

I know a lot of people give US airlines a lot of grief but here is why, even on the worst days, we really do have it pretty good.  A few weeks ago, a 19-seat turboprop airplane, much like the ones that used to fly to small regional airports in the United States, was making a flight from one African city to another.  Due to the shocking lack of regulations in many undeveloped countries, a passenger was allowed to bring his pet crocodile on the plane with him.  As you probably have figured out, Mr Ticklesworth got out of his paper sack that was acting as his cage and began terrorizing the passengers.  The bloodthirsty monster scared so many people that they began rushing to the back or front of the airplane.  This caused the airplane's center of gravity to shift so far from its operating envelope that it rendered its flight controls worthless and plummeted to the earth, much to the dismay of everyone on board.

Has there ever been a real life instance where passengers actually used their seat cushions as flotation devices? -Amanda Clay Beres

I promised to be honest and I will be with this subject.  The fact is, of all scenarios I can think of, landing in the water would be last of all other options I'd make.  Many people think of water as a smooth surface that should be easy to just glide on.  There is a reason why they call the USAirways Hudson River ditching a miracle.  Most airplanes are not designed to land on water, nor is most water smooth.  If you ever have to land on the ocean, you're landing on moving hills and since wheels sink into those hills due to their lack of ability to float, you have to land on the belly of the aircraft.  One wrong move, like the wing tip hitting the water first and you end up cartwheeling across the ocean.  I needn't tell you how that one ends.  That being said, when I googled successful commercial aviation ditching accidents, many of them were success stories.  Of all the ones listed after 1980, only one involved a US-registered commercial aircraft.  The rest were airlines and pilots based in less-developed countries.  Now, there is more to the story.

An aircraft has very intense certification requirements if it is going to carry passengers.  Depending on the type of operation, those certification requirements change.  For example, I'm sure you've noticed that some aircraft have lifeboats and life vests while others merely use seat cushions.  The aircraft that only have seat cushions are not permitted to conduct any passenger carrying flights for extended periods of time over water.  So, when they say in the unlikely event you have to use your seat cushion, they mean it.  In those instances, unless I have to choose between urban NYC and the Hudson, there are plenty of other open spaces and various airports within gliding distance that I would choose over landing in the water.  As I said earlier though, having to choose to land off a runway would have circumstances so remote, you'd have a better chance of getting hit by lightning and winning the lottery.

In the golden days of aviation, only aircraft with three or more engines were permitted to conduct transoceanic flights.  This was so that an aircraft could lose one engine and still have plenty of power to continue to an airport and land safely.  In the modern age, advancements in technology have allowed two engine aircraft to get waivers to conduct transoceanic flights.  These aircraft, like the 777 and the 787 Dreamliner, have powerful enough engines to fly on one engine even if it failed at the midpoint of the Pacific.  They also determined that the reliability of these engines are so great that the probability of having both fail are so unlikely that the chances of it happening are almost non-existent.

How long does it normally take to move from a regional to a major?

This question has been debated ad nauseum for the last decade, mostly because the circumstances have changed so drastically.  Since the turn of the century, a lot has happened to distress this industry.  First, in an effort to finance their 3rd house and 3rd marriage, many senior airline captains at major airlines chose to give up scope than take a pay cut.

What is scope, you might ask?  It is built into the pilot contracts the allowed percentage of subcontracted flying the parent airline can have.  Prior to 2000, most contract flying was only allowed if the airplanes were small and propeller driven.  Small jets were incredibly expensive and mostly not even a thought.  As the airlines began to face the gluttonous music referenced in my previous post, management approached the pilot groups with several proposals.  They could either take staggering pay cuts across the board, not take pay cuts and have their junior pilots furloughed, not take pay cuts and add small regional jets to their own inventory, or not take pay cuts and allow 3rd party airlines to fly under their colors for a fraction of the cost.  Regardless of their intentions, keeping everyone on board at current pay levels flying large, not tiny  regional jet aircraft (something that didn't end up happening as all their contracts were essentially voided in bankruptcy anyways), was far more important than allowing the "commuters" as they were formerly called, to fly under the major airline colors.

The airlines came back several times to the pilots and kept asking for relief on the scope clause in the contract using similar threats.  One American Airlines captain told me, almost apologetically, that they should have never given up scope.  They had no idea that they could or would outsource so much.  It was the single greatest defeat for professional aviation in history.  Before many of them knew it, regional airlines had increased daily departures from less than 15% flying small prop aircraft to over 50% flying 50 and 82-seat jet aircraft.  These aircraft, formerly used only to fly short routes to small airports, are now flying former "mainline" routes.  If you asked an airline pilot 20 years ago if the "commuters" would be flying from San Francisco to St Louis in large jet aircraft, they'd laugh in your face.

As a result of this expansion, hiring at the major airlines was almost non-existent in all of the first decade of the 2000s.  It wasn't until 2011 that the "Big 3" began opening their doors again to allow a mass hiring of pilots.  In essence, the answer to your question is, it depends.  As training costs have sky rocketed, less American students seek professional aviation as a career.  This, combined with abysmal pay at regional airlines, has created the first pilot shortage since the 1970s.  The regional airline business model was always designed for a "get in, get your time, get out" mentality. This only works, however, when it is possible to get out.  Now, many of the largest regionals in the United States are shrinking due to a lack of labor.  As they shrink, the people at the bottom are stuck in the right seat, not earning that coveted "pilot-in-command" time.

Even still, the estimated retirements of post-Vietnam veteran pilots, from the second biggest hiring wave in history following World War 2, are staggering.  It is estimated that, in the next 10 years, over 22,000 pilots will be put out to pasture.  A growing economy also adds a twist as most airlines, now lean following the shrinkage caused by the recession and 9/11, are looking to grow.  Right now, it's taking 3-7 years for civilian pilots to get to a major.  In the future, it could be less.  Of course, since many pilots are greedy egomaniacs, it could also get worse.


Your salary was an Air Force officer was several multiples higher than your salary as an instructor and regional airline pilot.  What has been your strategy for maintaining a quality of life?  Was it a difficult adjustment?

Financially, this has been one of the most trying times of my life.  As a junior Captain in the Air Force living in Great Falls, I was able to put $1000 a month into savings, $1000 a month into my flight account, and still have PLENTY of money after things like rent to do whatever, whenever and buy whatever.  To say that taking that massive pay cut wasn't a shock, would be a lie.

I had some help from my parents, grandma and aunt and uncle in the beginning when I was receiving no income.  I wanted to ween myself off any assistance, though, because, as a man in my late 20s, the last thing I wanted was to need to rely on anyone.

When I first went to my flight instructing job, I cut everything out of my life.  When I say everything, I mean almost EVERYTHING.  Other than my phone, Hulu, and satellite radio subscriptions, I paid for nothing else monthly.  I eventually got a gym membership for $5 a month but was even reluctant to do that.  Food and gas made up a majority of my "budget."  I bought and made my own meals and packed them away for the entire week.  For most of the first 6 months, I'd eat the same thing for breakfast, lunch, and dinner because it was just cheaper to buy it that way.  I would have an egg/bagel sandwich with coffee for breakfast, a turkey sandwich with pretzels and fruit for lunch, and some kind of random ground turkey and rice mixture made on Sunday for dinner.

When I got my first bi-monthly paycheck, I almost crapped my pants.  It was a little light, in part due to that I had just started flying with students, and came in at just under $700.  After a loan payment and rent, I was looking at bringing home a little over $400 a month for literally everything else (health insurance, car insurance, gas, cell phone, food. etc).  When I started doing the math, I got really depressed.  Not more than 2 years later, I did that math again.  For about 6-7 months, I had $300 available after non-negotiable bills.

One of the first great realizations I made with my new career was that there are some huge benefits to being an hourly wage earner.  Unfortunately, it also would mean that I would have to work my butt off to make a more comfortable wage.  I went to my supervisor and immediately asked for another student.  He was reluctant but I insisted.  That kind of student load would require me to work 6-7 days a week for 10-12 hours each day.  There were some months where I'd have less than 3 days off.  After my first pay raise, I was slowly able to start to add some conveniences back into my life.  I was able to go out with friends and have a beer or a small dinner.  I didn't realize it until about a year into my flight instructing job, but I hadn't seen a new movie since leaving the Air Force.  There is something about living on an incredibly tight budget that pushes things like $10 movies completely out of mind.

It is very difficult to explain to anyone who has had a steady paycheck since graduating college the stress of being a meager hourly worker with no work guaranteed.  To fight over scraps with other flight instructors in the same situation is something I never want to have to do again.

For those military types, my first year at the airline, I could have made less than an airman basic.  Luckily for me, I have been able to pick up flying which adds to my hours and adds to my tax-free per diem of being away from home.  I was lucky to have chosen a good airline with a good contract at the front of a very large hiring wave.  There are many other regional airline contracts that are significantly worse than mine.  With my most recent pay raise, I have entered the realm of military officer base pay.  I'll be hovering around 1st and 2nd LT base pay until I upgrade to Captain; a raise that carries a nearly 100% pay bump.

Your Questions Answered Part 2

Thank you all for your interest in my blog and asking so many great questions.  This is part 2 of 3 of my "things you wanted to know and some things you probably didn't" blog.  So, let's not delay and get right to it!

Do pilots have the authority to give the cabin free stuff in the event of a delay? Why do pilots always drag out the first word like "aaaannnnnd" when making announcements? -Rob Copley

While the Captain is in charge of the whole airplane and can suggest making alcohol free for the flight, it is really up to the lead flight attendant.  In the most drastic of delays, I have seen free alcohol served on some of the legacy airlines (United, Delta, American).  I honestly can't say about discount airlines like Frontier, Southwest or Spirit.  Again, this is usually only when there is a significant delay that is going to have most of the airplane's passengers missing their connecting flights or on holiday weekends. Sometimes it is only to the "premium passengers" that fly tens of thousands of miles a year that get the freebies. I honestly don't know what makes them decide whether or not to offer free beverages.

As to the stereotypical drawn out words when making an announcement?  I think we, as pilots, all have made our announcements canned after doing them so long.  While I usually like to put the most important information in one spot so I can easily reference it, sometimes a flight gets crazy.  If things are getting busy and I know I need to make a passenger announcement, I will hurry to get that out of the way so I can get back to helping the other guy fly the airplane.  Here is my typical descent announcement:

"Ladies and gentlemen good (time of day) from the flight deck.  We have begun our initial descent into (city).  Weather at the airport: winds are out of the (direction and speed), (cloud cover), and (temperature).  For those of you with connections (only in hub cities), we should have you on the ground and arriving at gate (gate) in the next (ETA) minutes.  Thank you for choosing (United/United Express or USAirways/USAirways Express).  Sit back, relax, and enjoy the rest of flight."

Now, when I get to the Madlib sections, I usually have it written out like "Clear, Calm, 72, B24, 25-30."  When I get in a hurry, I have end up searching around for printouts, notes, and computer screens for the information.  Here are all the things we print out during a flight:



So, when you hear me say uhhhh, I'm looking for the right piece of paper and sometimes doing quick mental math.  I have to convert winds 32009 into "light winds out of the northwest," 15 degrees celsius into 59 degrees fahrenheit and try my best to give you an accurate estimate of when we will be on the ground.  I'm doing all this while watching the other guy to make sure we will meet altitude and airspeed restrictions.  So, give us a break, will ya?!

What happens if you are 35,000 ft and you just had your morning coffee? -Frankie Jacobs

Well, first of all, as I've detailed here(A Day in the Life), there is nothing better than sipping on my coffee as we fly into the sunrise.  That being said, there is a strategy to drinking and eating during a day of flying.  As you've implied, after drinking a cup of Joe, you will probably have to go meet a John.  Luckily for me, most of our flights don't last more than two hours.  Most times, I can wait until after we land to take the Browns to the Superbowl.  In the unlikely event of an emergency mid-flight, there are protocols for making the "walk of shame" past all 50 people to the bathroom.  I've been close a few times to having to make a trip to the "back office," but I've been lucky enough to being able to wait.

Part of the strategy to eating and drinking is finding a long break in a day of flying.  Do I get the dreaded 2 and a half hour break?  That's not nearly as bad because I can find a nice quiet spot of the terminal to relax and make a sandwich.  Is that part of the terminal nearly abandoned?  Bonus.  The bathroom will be that way too.  A word of caution from a near-miss.  If it is too remote, the motion sensors will turn off the lights causing to you be up Shit Creek, so to speak.


Why has customer service dipped so much with airlines of the United States?  A friend of mind compares stateside air travel to a bus in the sky.  Meals on cross-country flights are a thing of the past, as are complimentary beverages with a lot of airlines recently.  Is it all a byproduct of increased fuel prices and decreased flights?  I noticed that with international flights, there are still perks.  why were my Air Tahiti flights so much more pleasurable than my domestic Frontier flights?

I could make an entire blog on this question alone and, you're right.  It is complicated.  In the end, as brutal and simplistic as this sounds, it is the consumer's fault.  "How dare you say that it's the passenger's fault!  The customer is always right!"  You are.  And you've spoken with your wallet.  Here's how:

In the 1970s, routes in the United States were very regulated.  Fares were fixed and capacity was high while load factors (the percent of places full) were low.  An airline could be profitable in those ages for several reasons.  First, since the end of regulation, ticket prices considering inflation have been effectively halved.  This has allowed many more Americans the opportunity to use aviation as a mode of transportation.  Unfortunately, over the past decade, several shocks have been introduced into the system.  September 11th, 2001 was a massive jolt to the system.  As people were reluctant to fly following the terrorists attacks, companies began bleeding money.  Then you have to take into consideration the incredible increase in fuel prices.  Since deregulation, many many airlines have entered the fold and that lead to a over-capacity problem.  There were way more seats than there were passengers.

The airlines had a choice to make.  Many times they tried to raise fares to keep up with the skyrocketing fuel prices.  Southwest changed the landscape by offering low fares with its historic fuel hedge.  Prior to the fuel price crisis, they signed a deal that they would vow to buy fuel from a distributor only if they could buy it for the current price for the next 10 years.  This gave them an incredible advantage over the "legacy" carriers.  As a result, Southwest was able to offer incredibly cheap fares as compared to their competitors.  The consumer scrambled at the prospect of these rock-bottom prices.  Americans love a good deal.  As a consumer, and I was formerly one of them, I had no allegiance to any airline.  My allegiance was to the dollar sign.  If you saved me as little as $20, I was going to fly your airline.  I didn't care about inflight entertainment or meals.  So, as people flocked to low-cost carriers that offered no frills, the major airlines had to react.  In order to stay competitive, they had to cut costs and one major cost cutting measure was to get rid of frills.  The American public is entitled to fly even if it costs less than it would be to drive from one place to another.

"But Chris, the airlines are making BILLIONS of dollars every year."  This is true, but when you look at how many people are traveling, the profit margin on a single ticket is often less than $10.  You may be spending $300 on a ticket but $290 of it are going to sunk costs like labor, fuel, support, maintenance etc.  At any given time, a relatively large percent of an airline's fleet is undergoing required maintenance.  Engines are overhauled.  Wings are inspected inch by inch.  The entire inside of the airplane is gutted to the aluminum shell.  These airplanes sitting is an expensive sunk cost on an airline.

So you bring up Frontier Airlines.  You could also make the same argument for an airline like Spirit.  When you go to a website like Kayak.com, how many people go beyond page one to find a ticket?  Many studies have been conducted and the result is always the same: no t many.  By purchasing a ticket on Frontier, and continuing to do so, you are sending the message to the airlines that amenities are not important to you.  You would much rather bring your own soda and snacks than have any provided to you as long as the price is the lowest.  The CEO of Spirit Airlines, an airline that literally charges for EVERYTHING, argues that if the passenger is going to purchase a ticket SOLELY on ticket price alone, they will give you what you want.  The lowest price.  That's for the base model of ticket.  If you want a window seat, that will cost you.  If you want a carry-on bag, that will cost you.  If you are happy with the clothes on your back and sitting in the middle seat, why should you pay the same amount as someone carrying bags?  The fact is, when it comes to aviation, weight is money.  It costs money to move more weight because the airplane burns more fuel.

When it comes to making a purchase as expensive as a plane ticket or a new television, which one do you think the consumer researches more?  I've talked to many people who research the difference between 1080p, 1080i and 4K.  They do a cost benefit analysis of a 40 versus a 42 inch TV.  Hours are spent researching and talking to experts on the difference in brands and warranties.  Yet, when it comes to buying an airplane ticket, little to no thought goes into the product.

You also bring up the point about international airlines.  I don't know much about Air Tahiti.  It is entirely possible that you WAY overpaid for a ticket to go through the islands as compared to a comparable US Domestic ticket.  If you went from LA to Chicago for $200 and from London to Slovenia for for $200 on an international carrier, you could say that you've been ripped off on the European flight as that flight distance is significantly shorter.

Many people argue that airlines like Lufthansa, Emirates, or any other international airline have much better amenities.  You would be correct.  The flight experience on most major international airlines is a better one.  Many of the large international carriers in Europe and Asia have a partially unfair competitive advantage.  Since many are the only airline in their country, their government holds a stake in its success.  These airlines are partially nationalized.  An airline like Emirates cannot lose money because the oil profits coming into the country subsidize the cost of running an airline.  It is able to offer low fares with lots of amenities for exactly that reason.  Other national airlines like Air France and Etihad fall under the exact same scenario.

Additionally, since the United States airplane manufacturer Boeing, once the only name in aviation, is in a heated battle with Airbus for aircraft orders, it has appealed to our government for assistance. As a result, international airlines that compete with US airlines on international routes are able to use US government subsidies from the US Export-Import Bank to provide incredibly low financing for brand new fuel efficient aircraft like the 787.  This ensures the foreign airlines purchase from Boeing over Airbus while also creating an unfair cost advantage for the US Legacy carriers.  Airlines like United and American have an aging fleet that they are still making payments on while the US government subsidizes their competitors' new fleets.

So, why is it that our commercial aviation system is like a bus system?  Simply stated, because it's what you wanted it to be.  It's no longer considered a perk, but a service that everyone should be able to use.  Do you want to drive from Peoria, IL to Chicago?  No, you deserve to not have to drive.  You'd rather get rid of inflight entertainment than drive.  As such, your wish is their command.

Frequently Asked Questions, Part I

It is a great fall day in the wonderful state of Missouri.  As we turn the corner into November to round out 2014, I've decided to finally give you guys the FAQ section I promised this summer.  It is a time when the "amateur" travelers descend upon the nation's airports and completely forget the it isn't acceptable to pack swords and fireworks in their carry-on luggage.  If you are traveling for Thanksgiving or Christmas, I highly recommend getting there early; not to avoid a missed flight but primarily for the entertainment.  Feeling blue?  You might just catch that guy who managed to pack 65 pounds of clothes for a 4 day weekend and enjoy as he adds layer after layer and stuffs every pocket in an attempt to save $100.  If only you could wear two pairs of shoes at once.

I've compiled a list of questions from you and from my experiences.  Sit back and enjoy!

"Excuse me, where/why is....?"

Whenever I find myself walking through an airport, I will most undoubtedly get asked a derivation of this question.  "Where is my flight?  Where is this gate? Why doesn't my boarding card have a gate on it?  Where is the smoking lounge?  Where is the Chipotle?"  I can't help but scratch my head at these native english speakers.  For those that haven't been in an airport for awhile, I can assure you that the signage has gotten less confusing and more clear.  If you take one minute and look to the ceiling, there are pictures and emoji-like characters giving you instructions on your every want and needs.  Need to know a gate?  There are flat screen TVs every 20 yards that give you that information.  In fact, when you ask me, I'm going to walk over to those TVs to find that information. "But, I thought you might know more than that, like if it was delayed or not."

I will be as helpful as I can and I always am.  Just keep in mind, even if this isn't my first time through the airport, we usually park at the same gates in the same area.  Please don't scoff at me when I tell you I don't know where the smoking lounge is.  If I don't smoke, why on earth would I know where to light up in Houston, Texas?  Also, there is one other thing to keep in mind.  The people who have the "big picture" of the airline operation don't work at the airport.  They work in an office building, most likely across the country.  So, when you ask me why your airplane is delayed and I say, I don't know, I honestly don't.  I'm not lying.  "Well, you're a pilot, why don't you know?"  Even though this is a United or a United Express flight, I do not work for that company.  I can't call up and ask any operationally related questions.  I'm a pilot for a subcontractor airline that, like all regional jet operators, is permitted to paint United colors on its airplanes.  I'm sorry sir, I just don't know.

Can you call ahead to hold my airplane?  

The easy answer to this is "no."  I wish I could say yes.  The fact is, we have no easy way to get ahold of anyone who has that power.  The people who control whether an airplane is late or not can only be contacted by a gate agent or an operations controller.  The operations controller is in charge of assigning gates and ensuring airplanes are operationally ready for flight.  When it's busy, they won't be able to make the request.  In Chicago, they are always busy.  Additionally, because of many complaints to the Department of Transportation regarding delays, airlines are now under very strict performance metrics.  If too many flights are delayed, even if it's for connecting passengers, they could receive hefty fines from the government.

Do pilots score a lot of stewardesses? - Jason Klein

First of all, Jason, I think they get pretty antsy when you call them stewardesses.  I had a Captain on a trip call back and kept saying, "oh stewardess."  It made me cringe all over.  Second, I personally would highly recommend against any dipping into that pool.  There are so many horror stories of mid-trip break downs to mid-night all-night extravaganzas. If you want to have a private relationship, doing it at work isn't the best place to do it.  I live by the mantra, "protect the check."  If there is ever a nasty falling out and it comes down to a "he-said/she-said," we are both going to lose.  She might only be sacrificing her reputation or a month of training.  I have years of training and tens of thousands of dollars at risk.  So, the only stick you should be servicing on your trip is the one that makes the airplane go up and down.

If I bought drinks for everybody but the pilots and had that 737 rocking like a G6, would you be pissed? -Angela Durbin

Excellent question!  First of all, I don't fly a 737.  I'd love to someday, but alas, I'm stuck in a much tinier tube.  If you do decide to buy a few rounds for my airplane, you might be able to get away with a mere $500 tab.  Don't think about cracking open your Duty-Free bottle of liquor either.  It is against Federal Law to consume alcoholic beverages brought onto an airplane.  Thinking about pre-gaming at the airport bar?  Any passenger appearing to be intoxicated will be denied boarding.  You thought playing cat-herder at the local bar is difficult?  Imagine trying to safely evacuate the drunk passengers from a burning airplane.  Even worse, what if your drunk passenger is a rowdy drunk?  You can't exactly quickly 'bounce' him out of your airplane at 35,000 feet.

As far as how I would feel about it, I would say that I would be a little unhappy.  An airplane is like a 3D teeter-totter balancing around a single point near center of the wing called the "center of gravity."  When a passenger gets up to go to the bathroom, believe it or not, it does have a very tiny but noticeable affect on the performance of the airplane.  If you turn the back-end of my ride into Club Jetplane, masses of people moving and jumping and rocking might have undesirable performance characteristics.  Plus, when the inevitable brawl takes place, you might end up spending the night in the Omaha, Nebraska drunk tank.  Have fun getting off that no-fly list.  So, do yourself a favor.  If you plan on getting hammered, turn on Hot Tub Time Machine and enjoy that ride.

If the plane was really in trouble, would the stewardesses faces show it? -Megan Mellquist

I think that all really depends on the flight attendant.  If the airplane were in serious trouble, the tone conveyed by the pilot would really set the tone for the flight attendant.  Whenever I do have to ride in the back, I do find it humorous when we hit turbulence and the entire airplane either leans into the aisle to look at the flight attendant or to look at me.  I have to make a concerted effort every time not to fake a panicked expression.

For those of you that are flying and looking for the flight attendant to determine if you will live, from a pilot's perspective, even in the most serious of circumstances, you will be just fine.  Did your oxygen masks drop?  Don't panic.  A cabin depressurization, while not to be taken lightly, is not a life or death emergency.  Recently, a Southwest Airlines flight experienced a loss of cabin pressure in flight and CNN couldn't be faster to convey the panic on the airplane.  The pilot made an announcement to the flight attendants that they were "going down."  Perhaps a very poor choice of words, he really meant to say that they were controllably yet rapidly descending to 10,000 feet where the air contained enough breathable oxygen to sustain life.  From a passenger's perspective, the 'emergency descent' as we call it wouldn't feel much different than a normal descent once the maneuver was initiated and would be over in no more than 3-4 minutes.

To be completely honest, the only true life or death emergency is a fire that can't be put out.  A dual engine failure, like the famous "Miracle on the Hudson" would be another but is so incredibly improbable that it vaguely even worth mentioning.  The only other comparable failure to driving would be if your engine, power steering, and brakes all sudden and for no reason all failed while driving down a winding, icy, mountain pass.  Is anyone here worried about that?  No?  That's what I thought.

Even if you have an engine failure right as the wheels leave the ground, passenger jet aircraft are certified to climb to a safe altitude and return for a normal landing.  Ever since I started flying a two-engined aircraft years ago, landing with a single-engine has been practiced routinely.  Again, while it is not something we take lightly, it is also not something that you need to lose any sleep over.

I've decided to make this a two part blog entry.  The next few answers to your questions got a little verbose.  If you read this and think, hey, I have a question!  Feel free to add it in the comments and I'll add it to part two (or three if I get enough).  Thanks for all the great questions!

A One Year Anniversary

It's hard to believe it was only a year ago when I showed up at the Trans States Holdings Headquarters building.  Looking back, while it has seemed so short, it has been such an incredibly busy and rewarding year.  Aside from flying over 700 hours since my hire date, I've also done so much more. 

So, what all have I done in a year?  Outside of flying, I've traveled all over the globe.  Being a former Air Force Officer, I have friends all over that need visiting.  I've visited family in Akron and Tampa.  I've hitched rides on airplanes to Colorado, California, Michigan, Montana, DC, Nashville, and Daytona to visit friends.  For my first vacation, I hopped on a flight to Europe for an epic European road trip.  I'd like to send a special thanks to that guy in first class who didn't show up for their flight from NY to Belgium.  Your lay-flat seat was wonderful and I slept like a baby. 

Here is a photo of everywhere I've flown in the last year.  The lines in Florida are the ones from flight instructing job.  

At an airline, a year is a big deal.  First of all, I received a significant (almost 50%) raise.  Most airlines consider the "first year" reduction in pay as training reimbursement.  It is estimated that the training I received to get a Airline Transport certificate in addition to my airplane specific training costs the company tens of thousands of dollars.  

The other big benefit is union membership.  The first year is considered a "probationary" year.  While a probationary member of the union, you have no real protections.  Had the company violated my contract, something that happens every so often, I would have no recourse to ensure I was paid or otherwise compensated properly.  As a probationary pilot, if thou dost protest too much, thou dost find thouself flying the unemployment line.  There actually doesn't even need to be a reason for termination especially since Missouri is an "At Will" state.  Now, as a member of the Air Line Pilot Association, I could be fired but would have to be negligent in my duties in order for them to do so.  

I originally intended for the blog to come out a long time ago, and I know many people have complained that it has been awhile since I wrote one.  For that, I do apologize.  Following my epic Eurotrip, I spent most of my coffee shop time working on annual training.  Yes, that's another bonus you get at your year mark.  You have to get recurrent.

Over the course of the year, I've gotten very proficient at my day-to-day job.  In the course of the year though, there really isn't anything other than "day-to-day" flying.  The passengers think that's a good thing but, unfortunately, your other and more important skills can atrophy.  To prevent this, the FAA has created extensive annual (or every 9 month) training programs which include ground school and 8 hours of simulator evaluations.  Here's an example of such a scenario:

You depart Chicago fully loaded enroute to Roanoke, Virginia.  It's a cool calm night when you depart but the forecast is calling for lower clouds upon arrival in the heart of the Appalachians.  It's my, the First Officer's, turn to fly and as we launch ourselves out over the midwest, the sky continues to get darker as night settles on the east coast.  The first indications that things might not go well are no more than 100 miles from the airport on the initial descent.  Within 100 miles, we are merely 20 minutes from landing.  The Captain, now termed the "pilot monitoring" since he is just monitoring how I'm flying, is getting the weather for Roanoke while I'm talking to Air Traffic Control regarding the descent.  

"Okay Chris, here's the weather.  Winds are 320 at 10 knots.  You've got a broken layer (of clouds) at 500 and overcast at 800 feet.  They are currently advertising the ILS for runway 34."  I open my approach plates to the approach and begin to review it.  Most ILS approaches will get you to 200 feet above the ground before you have to be able to see the runway.  This one only gets us to 450 feet and for a very good reason.  This is what surrounds our airport (actual picture of Roanoke airport).  

"This is only going to get us 50 feet below the clouds.  Any chance for for the other approach?  It gets us about 100 feet lower.  That should get us plenty of room."  I begin to pull the throttles back and slow the airplane down.  If we are going to change runways, we are going to need some time.  The airport is now racing at us at 300 miles an hour and we are within 10 minutes of landing.  

After reviewing the outages in the paperwork, he calls ATC.  "Approach, Waterski 3340, any chance for the LDA?"  

"Waterski, that approach has received several alerts in the last hour.  We are about to take it out of service."

Air Traffic Control is essentially telling us that the accuracy and reliability of the equipment is in question.  They didn't specifically say we couldn't have it but, in an area like this, at night, in the clouds, it really is best to err on the side of caution.  We both decide that the original approach is still adequate.  

Now we are 6 miles from the airport and handed off to the tower.  As we contact them to get the landing clearance, tower has notified us that the last 3 airplanes have diverted to other airports because they never got the airport in sight before reaching the minimum altitude.  I review the procedure again in the event that we also don't see the runway.  

It's quiet, almost eerily so.  The Captain calls out "1000 above."  That's my indication that we are only 1000 above the airport elevation.  I look over at my terrain display.  Peaks are beginning to show up to my left and right.  Directly below and ahead of me, we are still in the clear.  Second by second, the mountains begin to envelop us.  

"Two hundred above" the captain calls out as his eyes strain against the white nothingness in front of us.  

"One hundred above" I call out not more than 10 seconds later as the Captain's primary job is to look outside for the approach lights.  

The seconds crawl by.  On edge, I'm waiting for him to call the airport in sight but I hear nothing as I see the minimum altitude pop up on my screen.  I call out "Minimums" as I gently advance the throttles to the firewall, "Set max thrust.  Flaps 9."  I pull the nose up and begin an immediate 180 turn away from the mountains.  

I notice my heart racing.  It's the first time I've done a missed approach since my initial sim almost a year ago.  I'm more surprised than anything that it went as smoothly as it did.  Not that I ever have doubted my ability, it's just been a long time since I practiced it.  I guess that's why we do training.  As we are climbing out, I take some calming breaths as I engage the autopilot.  The approach is over, but we are still in the air.   

I look over at the Captain.  "Did you get ground contact?"  I ask referring to being able to see the ground below even though we couldn't see the airport ahead.  He shook his head.  That tells me that we weren't even close to popping below the clouds.  "Well, we could give it one more shot since they are reporting broken.  How's the fuel look?" 

After some quick mental math, he tells me that we don't have enough gas for another attempt.  We have to head to our alternate, Washington DC.  The remainder of the flight goes normally.  It's calm and clear in the nation's capital and the landing and approach are just as uneventful as usual.  Looking at the gas as we taxi in, he was right.  When we touched down on the runway, we had a little less than 45 minutes of fuel remaining (the legal limit when flight planning).  Had we made another attempt, we would have had no room for error when reaching DC.  

There's one more detail I left out.  This wasn't training.  This was a real life situation and a real life conversation.  A training scenario would look something like this (with possibly some malfunctions), and are designed to look like real life.  

As we taxi up to the gate, the Captain calls the company operations center to determine what to do.  After some discussion, we both determine that the weather will not improve until tomorrow and it would be best to cancel the flight.  I stand out on the ramp as the passengers climb down out of the airplane and wait to collect their bags.  One older woman approaches me and starts saying how she's lived in Roanoke her whole life.

"Those mountains scare me every time we go in there.  I'm really glad you guys didn't even try to land there,"  she says to me as she grabs her bag and walks away.  I just smile politely and wish her a good night.  

My First Airline Milestone

I've written a lot of stories in the last several months about life as an airline pilot.  In this entry, however, I will stray away from some of the fun stories and more into my progression into the next step of my dream.

When I changed my blog title from "Chasing a Dream" to "Living a Dream," many of you might have thought that this was the end of the road.  It is an important, but far from the last step along my journey to the rest of my career.  Someday, I'd like to work for a Delta or American Airlines flying passengers to exotic international locations.  Unfortunately, you have to start as the low man on the outsourced totem pole first.  So, this is my career progression report card.  

What does it take to become a "Major Airline" pilot?  Well, I'm glad you asked.  I wish it were as simple as, "be awesome" as my friend Rich Young would say.  There is certain minimum criteria and competitive criteria:

Minimum Criteria                                                          Competitive Criteria

Total Time: 1500 Hours                                                        Total Time: 4000 Hours

Jet Time: 1000 FO Hours                                                      Jet Time: 1000 Captain Hours

College: Bachelor's Degree                                                    College: Master's Degree

Other:  ATP License                                                             Other: Community Service

                                                                                                    Instructor/Evaluator

                                                                                                    Military Flight Time Bonus

                                                                                                    Other Leadership Experience

                                                                                                    Internal Recommendations

As you can see above, there is what they say they are looking for and what they are actually looking for.  Many might wonder why, with the looming pilot shortage, such a difference exists between competitive criteria and minimum criteria.  The minimum criteria is just that.  Insurance requirements for each carrier dictates what the absolute minimum time you must have to fly their airplanes.  Because major airlines' airplanes are larger and more complex, the insurance companies require more experience to fly for them.  The competitive criteria, though, is higher because of the decade long stagnation created following September 11, 2001.  The major carriers like United, Delta, and American did not hire for over a decade while many pilots remained on furlough status.  Until every single pilot who was on furlough was given the chance to return to active status, the airlines were not permitted to hire.  The last of the pilots were given class dates at the end of last year, opening the flood gates for the largest hiring boom since the end of the Vietnam War.  Consequently, since many people were not hired for more than a decade, combined with rampant expansion of regional carriers, there remains a large amount of highly experienced pilots to compete with. 

So, where does that leave me?  In the middle of July, I hit my first milestone of 500 Jet hours.  This is almost half way to hiring minimums and I figure it will take me about 6-7 more months of steady flying to get the minimum required 1000 hours.  Unfortunately, at my company, it takes a minimum of 3000 total hours to upgrade to Captain.  As of this post, I have 2130 total hours.  Below is how I compare to the minimum times.

 Minimum Criteria                            Competitive Criteria                 Me             Next Milestone ETA 

Total Time:  1500 Hours                   4000 Hours                           2130           3000: August 2015

Jet Time:     1000 FO Hours              1000 Captain Hours               500 FO        1000 FO: Feb 2015

College:       Bachelor's Degree          Master's Degree                     Master's

Other:         ATP License                  Community Service               Some

                                                      Instructor/Evaluator               No              Earliest: 2016-2017  

                                                      Military Flight Time Bonus      N/A

                                                      Other Leadership Experience   Former Military/USAFA Grad

                                                       Internal Recommendations     Contacts at Delta/United 

There you have it folks.  As you can see, I am only 6 months short of being eligible to get hired.  Unfortunately, as you can see, if I am to be competitive purely on qualitative factors, I have quite a ways to go.  It is my hope that my connections at various airlines combined with a possible large bump being an Air Force Academy graduate/former military officer will push me to the top of the pile when compared to those without.  We will all know this spring how much weight being a military academy graduate with connections holds with the hiring boards.

My Logbook with all the things I track near the bottom of the screen

Death and Decay in the Midwest

In the summer of 2001, I visited the US Air Force Academy for a baseball camp  It wasn't the first time flying alone but surely it was the most memorable for a variety of reasons.  One such reason dealt with the trip to Colorado Springs.  I was dropped off at Akron/Canton Regional Airport a short 10 minutes from my home.  I walked into the old 1970s style, dingy brick building to board my flight to Cleveland.  As long as I could remember, jet service at Akron/Canton was sparse and today would be no different.  The single-story terminal was devoid of jetbridges and any boarding was done by walking onto the ramp and climbing the stairs to the tiny prop airplanes.  My dad called them mosquitos in reference to their sound, relative size and annoyance as they flew low over our house day after day.

The sun had just begun to rise in its attempt to burn off the low hanging clouds found over northeast Ohio on most late spring days.  By the time I deplaned in Cleveland, it was sunny and clear.  I walked on the ramp again into the newly constructed D-Concourse and was met with shadowy cinderblock hallways that lead to the main terminal.  When I finally made it to the top of the stairs to the second story of the main terminal, I was struck by fascination.  The rising sun shined brightly in my face through the massive wall of windows on the opposite side of the terminal.  Unlike most of the older airports I'd been to this was unlike anything I'd ever seen.  Glass stretched from the floor to the opening of the rectangular cornicopia as far as you could see in any direction.  I walked along the invisible wall to the escalator to take me to the spectacular underground walkway and before I descended, I noticed the destinations: Myrtle Beach, Charleston, New Orleans.  It seemed like every airplane leaving this part of the airport was going to some vacation destination.  This must be the vacation terminal, my under-developed mind mused.

In June, with the announcement that United was dehubbing, the $110 Million terminal closed forever.  It is the first airport to ever have been dehubbed by the same company twice.


For most, spending any time in an airport is a miserable experience.  It is a reminder of missed connections, angry crowds and an inherent feeling of being at the whim of some faceless company.   To them, all airports are the same whether they are large or small and are merely places to anxiously await your next flight.

People often think I'm weird when I tell them I love airports and always have.  Some sarcastically joke that it's a good thing I became a pilot.  "Well, you'll be spending a lot of time in them" they tease.  I love seeing how unique and different each airport is and how they've reacted to the changing airline industry.  Some create finger-like terminals that stretch in every direction (Old Detroit Metro, Memphis, Cleveland, St Louis).  Others built underground or above ground trains to house a completely remote "airside" terminal (Pittsburgh, Tampa, Cincinnati, Orlando) and others have moved the entire airport away from the city like in Denver or have constructed whole new terminals at a different location on the airport grounds (New Detroit Metro, Hartford, Raleigh-Durham).

While the new architecture is fascinating, so is the unchanged look of the smaller airports in the south.  Greenville-Spartanburg in South Carolina, built in the 1960s, has changed very little.  It's massive concrete walls and thirty-foot ceilings is a throw-back to the golden days of air travel.  They are massive, maze-like cathedrals of aviation.  It seems to take longer to get to your gate there than in a place like Chicago.

Unfortunately, the 2000s were not kind to the once booming airline industry and especially unkind to the areas hit the hardest by recession and a post-industrial economy, also known as the "Rust Belt."  USAir, hubbed and headquartered in Pittsburgh, expanded rapidly.  In the early-90s, Pittsburgh partnered with now USAirways and built a multi-billion dollar terminal featuring the first "Airmall" with over 100 shoppes at the center of the terminal complex.  It was designed to be a global gateway for the booming hometown airline.  Not more than a decade later, the airline declared bankruptcy and moved its hub operations to Philadelphia.  The bills for the new terminal were overwhelming and its contract with the city was terminated by the bankruptcy court.  While other operators like Southwest have moved in and added flights, the airport has not recovered.  Whole sections of the once bustling airside terminal have been closed off.  Many of the 100 shoppes have been boarded up and the terminal, on most days, is a ghost town.

The longest parts of the bottom two terminals have been boarded up

Cincinnati has experienced a similar fate.  With Delta Airlines booming, Cincinnati was Delta's 2nd largest hub prior to its merger with Northwest Airlines.  The airport built a new remote terminal with three remote concourses to house the massive Delta operation to include a remote concourse that housed the now defunct regional airline, Comair.  Following the merger, Detroit was picked to survive and Cincy was placed on the chopping block.  Now, terminals 1 and 2 as well as the remote concourse C of terminal 3 that housed the regional jet operation have been boarded up and remain completely vacant.  While Delta does maintain a small hub, the operation has gone from over 600 flights per day to less than 140.  I flew through many of these hub airports when going back and forth from school in Colorado.

Terminals 1, 2 and Concourse C are closed permanently and remain vacant and deteriorating

When I have to wait in places like Cincinnati, Pittsburgh and Cleveland, instead of hiding in a corner like most pilots, I explore.  I walk to areas that once housed busy gates and to newly constructed false-walls that, behind them, house thousands of square-feet of unused terminal.

My last story is from my new hometown airport of St Louis-Lambert.  As a reserve pilot, I often had to spend 10 hours a day sitting in the bowels of the airport on "airport reserve."  Should a need for a pilot come up, I'm there to the rescue in a matter of minutes.  As that need is rare, instead of hiding in the concrete dungeon that is our crew room, I get out and explore.  In the 90s, St Louis was a massive  and important airport.  It housed the operations of Trans World Airlines, one of the largest and most successful airlines of the 20th century.  In 1985, St Louis built a brand new terminal for Ozark Airlines.  A year later, the two companies merged making St Louis the largest hub in the TWA system.  Due to mismanagement, however, American Airlines performed a hostile takeover of TWA in the early 2000s, liquidating much of its assets, and reducing St Louis traffic by more than three quarters.  The D-Concourse, built for Ozark Airlines, is now completely closed to passengers but open to crew and employees.  I often take time during my 10-hours of airport appreciation to explore the ghost airport.

All of Concourse D, the entire arm, is closed.

Long-removed advertisements on carpeted walls

All the extra chairs hide out here.  The terminal was reopened for a year after the C Concourse was nearly destroyed by a tornado in 2008...hence the LCD departures and arrivals board.

 Plaque commemorating the opening of the D Concourse

The now barren hallways of a dusty and dirty once packed concourse

The remains of a food court now hold storage for the remaining food vendors

From along the back wall, the moving walkways are silent and gates long-ago vacant.