Frequently Asked Questions, Part I

It is a great fall day in the wonderful state of Missouri.  As we turn the corner into November to round out 2014, I've decided to finally give you guys the FAQ section I promised this summer.  It is a time when the "amateur" travelers descend upon the nation's airports and completely forget the it isn't acceptable to pack swords and fireworks in their carry-on luggage.  If you are traveling for Thanksgiving or Christmas, I highly recommend getting there early; not to avoid a missed flight but primarily for the entertainment.  Feeling blue?  You might just catch that guy who managed to pack 65 pounds of clothes for a 4 day weekend and enjoy as he adds layer after layer and stuffs every pocket in an attempt to save $100.  If only you could wear two pairs of shoes at once.

I've compiled a list of questions from you and from my experiences.  Sit back and enjoy!

"Excuse me, where/why is....?"

Whenever I find myself walking through an airport, I will most undoubtedly get asked a derivation of this question.  "Where is my flight?  Where is this gate? Why doesn't my boarding card have a gate on it?  Where is the smoking lounge?  Where is the Chipotle?"  I can't help but scratch my head at these native english speakers.  For those that haven't been in an airport for awhile, I can assure you that the signage has gotten less confusing and more clear.  If you take one minute and look to the ceiling, there are pictures and emoji-like characters giving you instructions on your every want and needs.  Need to know a gate?  There are flat screen TVs every 20 yards that give you that information.  In fact, when you ask me, I'm going to walk over to those TVs to find that information. "But, I thought you might know more than that, like if it was delayed or not."

I will be as helpful as I can and I always am.  Just keep in mind, even if this isn't my first time through the airport, we usually park at the same gates in the same area.  Please don't scoff at me when I tell you I don't know where the smoking lounge is.  If I don't smoke, why on earth would I know where to light up in Houston, Texas?  Also, there is one other thing to keep in mind.  The people who have the "big picture" of the airline operation don't work at the airport.  They work in an office building, most likely across the country.  So, when you ask me why your airplane is delayed and I say, I don't know, I honestly don't.  I'm not lying.  "Well, you're a pilot, why don't you know?"  Even though this is a United or a United Express flight, I do not work for that company.  I can't call up and ask any operationally related questions.  I'm a pilot for a subcontractor airline that, like all regional jet operators, is permitted to paint United colors on its airplanes.  I'm sorry sir, I just don't know.

Can you call ahead to hold my airplane?  

The easy answer to this is "no."  I wish I could say yes.  The fact is, we have no easy way to get ahold of anyone who has that power.  The people who control whether an airplane is late or not can only be contacted by a gate agent or an operations controller.  The operations controller is in charge of assigning gates and ensuring airplanes are operationally ready for flight.  When it's busy, they won't be able to make the request.  In Chicago, they are always busy.  Additionally, because of many complaints to the Department of Transportation regarding delays, airlines are now under very strict performance metrics.  If too many flights are delayed, even if it's for connecting passengers, they could receive hefty fines from the government.

Do pilots score a lot of stewardesses? - Jason Klein

First of all, Jason, I think they get pretty antsy when you call them stewardesses.  I had a Captain on a trip call back and kept saying, "oh stewardess."  It made me cringe all over.  Second, I personally would highly recommend against any dipping into that pool.  There are so many horror stories of mid-trip break downs to mid-night all-night extravaganzas. If you want to have a private relationship, doing it at work isn't the best place to do it.  I live by the mantra, "protect the check."  If there is ever a nasty falling out and it comes down to a "he-said/she-said," we are both going to lose.  She might only be sacrificing her reputation or a month of training.  I have years of training and tens of thousands of dollars at risk.  So, the only stick you should be servicing on your trip is the one that makes the airplane go up and down.

If I bought drinks for everybody but the pilots and had that 737 rocking like a G6, would you be pissed? -Angela Durbin

Excellent question!  First of all, I don't fly a 737.  I'd love to someday, but alas, I'm stuck in a much tinier tube.  If you do decide to buy a few rounds for my airplane, you might be able to get away with a mere $500 tab.  Don't think about cracking open your Duty-Free bottle of liquor either.  It is against Federal Law to consume alcoholic beverages brought onto an airplane.  Thinking about pre-gaming at the airport bar?  Any passenger appearing to be intoxicated will be denied boarding.  You thought playing cat-herder at the local bar is difficult?  Imagine trying to safely evacuate the drunk passengers from a burning airplane.  Even worse, what if your drunk passenger is a rowdy drunk?  You can't exactly quickly 'bounce' him out of your airplane at 35,000 feet.

As far as how I would feel about it, I would say that I would be a little unhappy.  An airplane is like a 3D teeter-totter balancing around a single point near center of the wing called the "center of gravity."  When a passenger gets up to go to the bathroom, believe it or not, it does have a very tiny but noticeable affect on the performance of the airplane.  If you turn the back-end of my ride into Club Jetplane, masses of people moving and jumping and rocking might have undesirable performance characteristics.  Plus, when the inevitable brawl takes place, you might end up spending the night in the Omaha, Nebraska drunk tank.  Have fun getting off that no-fly list.  So, do yourself a favor.  If you plan on getting hammered, turn on Hot Tub Time Machine and enjoy that ride.

If the plane was really in trouble, would the stewardesses faces show it? -Megan Mellquist

I think that all really depends on the flight attendant.  If the airplane were in serious trouble, the tone conveyed by the pilot would really set the tone for the flight attendant.  Whenever I do have to ride in the back, I do find it humorous when we hit turbulence and the entire airplane either leans into the aisle to look at the flight attendant or to look at me.  I have to make a concerted effort every time not to fake a panicked expression.

For those of you that are flying and looking for the flight attendant to determine if you will live, from a pilot's perspective, even in the most serious of circumstances, you will be just fine.  Did your oxygen masks drop?  Don't panic.  A cabin depressurization, while not to be taken lightly, is not a life or death emergency.  Recently, a Southwest Airlines flight experienced a loss of cabin pressure in flight and CNN couldn't be faster to convey the panic on the airplane.  The pilot made an announcement to the flight attendants that they were "going down."  Perhaps a very poor choice of words, he really meant to say that they were controllably yet rapidly descending to 10,000 feet where the air contained enough breathable oxygen to sustain life.  From a passenger's perspective, the 'emergency descent' as we call it wouldn't feel much different than a normal descent once the maneuver was initiated and would be over in no more than 3-4 minutes.

To be completely honest, the only true life or death emergency is a fire that can't be put out.  A dual engine failure, like the famous "Miracle on the Hudson" would be another but is so incredibly improbable that it vaguely even worth mentioning.  The only other comparable failure to driving would be if your engine, power steering, and brakes all sudden and for no reason all failed while driving down a winding, icy, mountain pass.  Is anyone here worried about that?  No?  That's what I thought.

Even if you have an engine failure right as the wheels leave the ground, passenger jet aircraft are certified to climb to a safe altitude and return for a normal landing.  Ever since I started flying a two-engined aircraft years ago, landing with a single-engine has been practiced routinely.  Again, while it is not something we take lightly, it is also not something that you need to lose any sleep over.

I've decided to make this a two part blog entry.  The next few answers to your questions got a little verbose.  If you read this and think, hey, I have a question!  Feel free to add it in the comments and I'll add it to part two (or three if I get enough).  Thanks for all the great questions!

A One Year Anniversary

It's hard to believe it was only a year ago when I showed up at the Trans States Holdings Headquarters building.  Looking back, while it has seemed so short, it has been such an incredibly busy and rewarding year.  Aside from flying over 700 hours since my hire date, I've also done so much more. 

So, what all have I done in a year?  Outside of flying, I've traveled all over the globe.  Being a former Air Force Officer, I have friends all over that need visiting.  I've visited family in Akron and Tampa.  I've hitched rides on airplanes to Colorado, California, Michigan, Montana, DC, Nashville, and Daytona to visit friends.  For my first vacation, I hopped on a flight to Europe for an epic European road trip.  I'd like to send a special thanks to that guy in first class who didn't show up for their flight from NY to Belgium.  Your lay-flat seat was wonderful and I slept like a baby. 

Here is a photo of everywhere I've flown in the last year.  The lines in Florida are the ones from flight instructing job.  

At an airline, a year is a big deal.  First of all, I received a significant (almost 50%) raise.  Most airlines consider the "first year" reduction in pay as training reimbursement.  It is estimated that the training I received to get a Airline Transport certificate in addition to my airplane specific training costs the company tens of thousands of dollars.  

The other big benefit is union membership.  The first year is considered a "probationary" year.  While a probationary member of the union, you have no real protections.  Had the company violated my contract, something that happens every so often, I would have no recourse to ensure I was paid or otherwise compensated properly.  As a probationary pilot, if thou dost protest too much, thou dost find thouself flying the unemployment line.  There actually doesn't even need to be a reason for termination especially since Missouri is an "At Will" state.  Now, as a member of the Air Line Pilot Association, I could be fired but would have to be negligent in my duties in order for them to do so.  

I originally intended for the blog to come out a long time ago, and I know many people have complained that it has been awhile since I wrote one.  For that, I do apologize.  Following my epic Eurotrip, I spent most of my coffee shop time working on annual training.  Yes, that's another bonus you get at your year mark.  You have to get recurrent.

Over the course of the year, I've gotten very proficient at my day-to-day job.  In the course of the year though, there really isn't anything other than "day-to-day" flying.  The passengers think that's a good thing but, unfortunately, your other and more important skills can atrophy.  To prevent this, the FAA has created extensive annual (or every 9 month) training programs which include ground school and 8 hours of simulator evaluations.  Here's an example of such a scenario:

You depart Chicago fully loaded enroute to Roanoke, Virginia.  It's a cool calm night when you depart but the forecast is calling for lower clouds upon arrival in the heart of the Appalachians.  It's my, the First Officer's, turn to fly and as we launch ourselves out over the midwest, the sky continues to get darker as night settles on the east coast.  The first indications that things might not go well are no more than 100 miles from the airport on the initial descent.  Within 100 miles, we are merely 20 minutes from landing.  The Captain, now termed the "pilot monitoring" since he is just monitoring how I'm flying, is getting the weather for Roanoke while I'm talking to Air Traffic Control regarding the descent.  

"Okay Chris, here's the weather.  Winds are 320 at 10 knots.  You've got a broken layer (of clouds) at 500 and overcast at 800 feet.  They are currently advertising the ILS for runway 34."  I open my approach plates to the approach and begin to review it.  Most ILS approaches will get you to 200 feet above the ground before you have to be able to see the runway.  This one only gets us to 450 feet and for a very good reason.  This is what surrounds our airport (actual picture of Roanoke airport).  

"This is only going to get us 50 feet below the clouds.  Any chance for for the other approach?  It gets us about 100 feet lower.  That should get us plenty of room."  I begin to pull the throttles back and slow the airplane down.  If we are going to change runways, we are going to need some time.  The airport is now racing at us at 300 miles an hour and we are within 10 minutes of landing.  

After reviewing the outages in the paperwork, he calls ATC.  "Approach, Waterski 3340, any chance for the LDA?"  

"Waterski, that approach has received several alerts in the last hour.  We are about to take it out of service."

Air Traffic Control is essentially telling us that the accuracy and reliability of the equipment is in question.  They didn't specifically say we couldn't have it but, in an area like this, at night, in the clouds, it really is best to err on the side of caution.  We both decide that the original approach is still adequate.  

Now we are 6 miles from the airport and handed off to the tower.  As we contact them to get the landing clearance, tower has notified us that the last 3 airplanes have diverted to other airports because they never got the airport in sight before reaching the minimum altitude.  I review the procedure again in the event that we also don't see the runway.  

It's quiet, almost eerily so.  The Captain calls out "1000 above."  That's my indication that we are only 1000 above the airport elevation.  I look over at my terrain display.  Peaks are beginning to show up to my left and right.  Directly below and ahead of me, we are still in the clear.  Second by second, the mountains begin to envelop us.  

"Two hundred above" the captain calls out as his eyes strain against the white nothingness in front of us.  

"One hundred above" I call out not more than 10 seconds later as the Captain's primary job is to look outside for the approach lights.  

The seconds crawl by.  On edge, I'm waiting for him to call the airport in sight but I hear nothing as I see the minimum altitude pop up on my screen.  I call out "Minimums" as I gently advance the throttles to the firewall, "Set max thrust.  Flaps 9."  I pull the nose up and begin an immediate 180 turn away from the mountains.  

I notice my heart racing.  It's the first time I've done a missed approach since my initial sim almost a year ago.  I'm more surprised than anything that it went as smoothly as it did.  Not that I ever have doubted my ability, it's just been a long time since I practiced it.  I guess that's why we do training.  As we are climbing out, I take some calming breaths as I engage the autopilot.  The approach is over, but we are still in the air.   

I look over at the Captain.  "Did you get ground contact?"  I ask referring to being able to see the ground below even though we couldn't see the airport ahead.  He shook his head.  That tells me that we weren't even close to popping below the clouds.  "Well, we could give it one more shot since they are reporting broken.  How's the fuel look?" 

After some quick mental math, he tells me that we don't have enough gas for another attempt.  We have to head to our alternate, Washington DC.  The remainder of the flight goes normally.  It's calm and clear in the nation's capital and the landing and approach are just as uneventful as usual.  Looking at the gas as we taxi in, he was right.  When we touched down on the runway, we had a little less than 45 minutes of fuel remaining (the legal limit when flight planning).  Had we made another attempt, we would have had no room for error when reaching DC.  

There's one more detail I left out.  This wasn't training.  This was a real life situation and a real life conversation.  A training scenario would look something like this (with possibly some malfunctions), and are designed to look like real life.  

As we taxi up to the gate, the Captain calls the company operations center to determine what to do.  After some discussion, we both determine that the weather will not improve until tomorrow and it would be best to cancel the flight.  I stand out on the ramp as the passengers climb down out of the airplane and wait to collect their bags.  One older woman approaches me and starts saying how she's lived in Roanoke her whole life.

"Those mountains scare me every time we go in there.  I'm really glad you guys didn't even try to land there,"  she says to me as she grabs her bag and walks away.  I just smile politely and wish her a good night.